Okay, I feel like we can all tell by now that I am a little bit of a mess. I’m broken hearted, friendless, my foundation rarely matches my face. I could sink deeper into the depression that is my life, but no! I’m not going to do that. I recently read this book, Girl Wash Your Face by impeccable Rachel Hollis. A New York Times bestseller by a Christian publisher, let’s just say: I didn’t think I’d get much from it. But I did and that’s why children you NEVER judge a book by it’s cover. One of the things touched on in the book is Rachel’s Hollis book is the need for setting goals. In order to steer your life in a positive direction, you need to figure out what you truly want and goals help you determine this. Today I’ve decided to name them. Here are my Five Goals for 25.
1) Become Healthier: Okay! Okay! Everyone and their damn mama wants to lose weight. Everyone and their damn sister are dead-set on telling you to embrace self love, become body positive and love yourself. Here’s the thing, I agree with radical self-love and body positivity. I listen to She’s All Fat, watched (and loved) Shrill, I follow the Body-Posi Instagrams. Just like everyone fucking else. I truly believe in embracing your body, your supposed flaws, and loving yourself. I am not there yet with myself. I don’t love my body in it’s current state and it is really difficult to be body positive when you feel that way. Truthfully, I have been fat my whole life. But I’ve gotten to an all time high. I am not comfortable saying the number even in this space, but it is over 200. Over the course of my five year relationship, I gained about 60 pounds. Which is like 12 pounds a year. That doesn’t seem like a lot and I didn’t even really notice until year three when I could no longer shop in any straight sized stores. Being fat has never effected me as much as my other minorities. Being a black woman was always the thing that I felt effected me the most. Every woman of all races can understand sexism and it’s emotional toll on you. Every black person can understand the struggle of living in an oppressive world that you must work twice as hard to get ahead in. But being a black woman subjects you to both of these things all at once. Talk about oppression olympics. Being mid-fat, as the body-postivie community would probably call me, now adds a new layer to this argument. Unlike womanhood or blackness, fat bodies are usually never appreciated or revered in any context. We are steeped in diet culture, anti-fat attitudes and it is so easy for body positive people who are smaller to just tell you to love yourself. It’s hard to love yourself when the world seems to hate you and you don’t feel great. So becoming healthier is my number #1 Goal for the 25th Year. This may mean means weight loss, working out, becoming more mentally stable, sleeping more, or just getting my skin routine together. 25 is the year of health
2) Make Some Fucking Friends- This is bleak, but five years with D and I realize how little friends I have. This is my own fault. I did that dumb things that people in relationships do, especially women. I threw myself into the relationship and abandoned several relationships. I also didn’t make ANY new connections because I relied on my relationship for friendship. It’s fucking sad I know. So now, most of my friends are booed up, not my friends anymore, or deep in grad school/careers they hate. I have few single fun happy friends and I want to surround myself with more people like that.
3) Get a Job I’m Passionate About– Let’s start here: I need to stop complaining about my job. I am blessed to have one and blessed to have one that pays me far above the national average for a 25 year an old. However, I live in New York City who’s medium salary is 69,000K and who’s cost of living is the highest. I don’t earn 70,000K, though I’m not far away. My goal for a long time was to make my way out of poverty. I did it, though I worked extremely hard and forego a large portion of my passions in order to make it out. I want to get to a place were I can be comfortable and happy working. I want to live to work, not work to live and right now I’m working to live with little no passion.
4) Start Saving Money– I am THE WORST with money. I feel like I only spend money on food and clothing. When I look at my bank records, it’s wild the amount that is spent literally on eating out. I feel like it goes hand and hand with being healthy. My wallet is not healthy and therefore, I am not healthy. I’m bad with budgets, but that is no excuse. I have things I want to do like travel the world and I can’t do it with my current lack of financial freedom. In order to do this, I have to start really saving money. I have a 401K that automatically comes from my check, but it isn’t nearly enough. My savings? LOL, what savings? It’s a problem and it needs to be rectified.
5) Finish Writing Your Book & Find a Book Agent– This goes hand and hand with the getting a job I’m passionate about. My entire life, I’ve wanted to be a published author. From the time I was a little girl, writing was the one thing that made me feel free, whole. Reading was my 1st love. I always felt out of place and reading allowed me to connect to other worlds that were bigger than my little corner of the world. It allowed me to flourish to spaces bigger than my own existence. Writing took that too another level. These people, these characters I’d invent and their stories, their lives allowed me to speak freely through them and the opportunity to showcase them to a large audience is my dream. This year I want to finish writing a book and attempt to find an agent.
Bonus Fake Goals
I’m going to call these last two fake goals because I’m not going to throw myself passionately into these goals, but I still kinda of want to achieve them. I also don’t think getting dicked down is as you know finding a job I love?
1) Find Casual Hook-Up- To that end, I have never in my life had a casual hook-up. Wild right? I’ve never had a one night stand. While the rest of my friends had summer flings, hook-ups, and one night stands, I was constantly in relationships. Every time I wanted to have a one-night-stand it would end up as a long term relationship. How? I don’t know. I’m easy to trap. I like love? But no one. This year, I want to get on my bad-bitchery. I want to have a couple of random one-night stands, a casual hook-up buddy, a no strings attached situationship. I’m serious. It is a potentially scary goal, but I think I could manage it.
2) Get a Tattoo- I have always wanted to get a tattoo. I am a little afraid of needles and my ex was never really into tattoos. But now, it is a deff thing I want to do. I follow all these amazing artists on instagram who do really cool minimal stuff, stick-and-pokes, flowers that kind of stuff? I really am into hands and women’s bodies in an abstract form. I want to get something that signifies the power of ones self.
So there you have it. My five goals (plus some extra) for 25. I know it’s lengthy and lofty, but possible. I’ve already started on some of them.